Before you read my commentary, I urge you to watch the entire video. Bridget Phetasy is incredibly open and vulnerable with her painful story. I admire her so much for her bravery in sharing it and believe everyone should listen to it in her own words.
I do not agree with or endorse everything that she says. I fall into the camp of thinking that she is “so close to really getting it.” I do think, however, that she has a lot of hard-won wisdom to offer future generations of young women and even those of us in the church.
Bridget experienced the horrors of both purity culture and hook-up culture. In her Catholic upbringing, she was taught to look at sex through the lens of blind obedience and shame. The world then told her opposite lie that sex with no limits or boundaries is empowering. Both ways of thinking are harmful, and too many young women experience both ends of the spectrum as the overbearing weight of purity culture can unwittingly push women toward hook-up culture.
God created sex. It is a good gift that we have corrupted through misuse. As Christians, it is important that we find the balance of speaking highly of sex in its proper place while also warning of the consequences of stepping outside God’s design and intention for it. We must be purposeful in our conversations with both our sons and daughters and look to the Lord for wisdom and discernment.
My kids are still young so we are still in the process of thinking through how we would like to handle these conversations in the future, but I do know one thing. I will always answer any questions that they might have without making them feel embarrassed or ashamed for having asked it. Obviously, the answer will have to be handled in an age-appropriate way, and sometimes that might mean deftly putting off giving an answer.
I love the story that Corrie ten Boom shares in The Hiding Place. When she asked her father a question about sex at a young age, rather than shaming her for the question, he wisely came up with an analogy. He asked her to carry his bag off the train. When it was too heavy for her, he told her that sometimes knowledge is heavy too and asked her to trust him to carry the load until he knew she was ready for it. I want to build that kind of trust with my kids. I want them to know that they can always come to me and that no topic is ever off limits.
Lord, I pray that You would give every parent reading this post the wisdom to help their kids gain the tools they need to navigate the culture that You, in Your sovereignty, chose for them to grow up in. May each of us find the balance of working hard to preserve our children's innocence while also entrusting them to Your care.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
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