From the day we were married, my husband and I never used any methods to prevent pregnancy. We were open to starting our family as soon as possible, but God had different plans. He had us wait five years for our precious Jaden.
His birth ended in a c-section. You can read about it here.
I always dreamed that I would have as many babies as the Lord chose to bless me with, and my husband was on board with the idea as well.
That all changed after my c-section since we had to worry about giving my body a chance to heal from major surgery.
It is crazy that our medical system is quick to rush women into oftentimes unnecessary c-sections because it truly is a major surgery. I am very blessed that my body is quick to heal, but the first few weeks post-op were pretty rough. My husband and I felt that it would be wise to do our best to prevent pregnancy for a few months. (I use the words “do our best” intentionally because as a pro-lifer, I believe that anyone who engages in sexual intercourse should ALWAYS be open to life.)
I read somewhere that six months postpartum is the absolute minimum that someone with a prior c-section should wait to become pregnant. For six months we were extraordinarily careful, but we knew we eventually wanted more children. Expecting that it would take time to conceive like with our first, we decided to let God decide when our next child would join us.
To our shock, we became pregnant that very first month.
I was obviously overjoyed, but I was also a little scared. Our second child would arrive a mere 15 months after our son.
Was that enough time for my body to heal?
I wasn’t sure, but I knew that I did not want to go through another c-section.
After doing a little bit of my own research trying to figure out what went wrong during my first birth, I was shocked to learn that a couple things they did in the hospital might have contributed to my eventual c-section.
For example, my contractions would become very strong and close together, but they would eventually stall out a bit.
I found out that often happens when the baby is in a poor position like my son was. The contractions ease up to give the baby room to readjust. Had I had a doula or even a midwife, she likely would have recommended trying new positions to help the baby get into an optimal position. The nurses, however, simply administered Pitocin to speed the contractions back up which just ended up jamming my son back down in his bad position.
I was very hopeful that I would get the chance to have a better birth experience and made it clear at my first appointment that I wanted to pursue a VBAC.
“You can try,” the doctor told me flippantly. “But I’d say you only have about a 50% chance of success.”
I now know that is a giant red flag for a provider to say. No two births are alike, and he had absolutely no reason to believe this.
At the time, however, I was not confident enough in my knowledge. His comment caused my heart to sink, and I began to believe the lie that I was destined for a repeat c-section.
Then, I gained about 4 pounds in between my first and second appointments which were about a month apart. This same doctor very seriously told me that I was gaining too much weight and that I should watch it.
Man, that was awkward.
And honestly, completely unnecessary.
My blood pressure was fine. I had no history of gestational diabetes or preeclampsia. While I am not dainty by any means, I was not significantly overweight. There was no need to be so vigilant.
His comment made me realize that I did not feel comfortable with him, and I decided to switch to a midwife at the practice. I was immediately happy with my decision when she assured me that she didn’t see any reason why I couldn’t have a successful VBAC.
Unfortunately, she changed her tune at my 39-week appointment when she checked my cervix, and I was not dilated at all.
She filled out some sort of form and told me that I was not a candidate for induction. She also told me that she did not believe that I would spontaneously go into labor.
I was so confused because my labor had started on its own for my first birth. She had no good answer for why it would be different for my second, but she was the "expert." Who was I to question her?
She recommended that I schedule a c-section for 40 weeks even though I went into labor with my son closer to 41 weeks.
I now know that VBAC educators warn about providers like her who “bait and switch,” but at the time all I knew was that my hopes were once again being dashed.
I still wanted to let my body go into labor, but nobody was encouraging me to do so.
My husband was worried about me and thought I was being stubborn by not listening to the advice of the midwife. (The truth is I am very stubborn! )
My due date was close to Christmas, and everyone was telling me that it would be horrible to be in the hospital on Christmas day.
With everything I now know, I would have been able to withstand the pressure, but I just felt like I was the only one fighting for a VBAC and that it would be so disappointing to spend Christmas in the hospital – especially if my birth ended in a c-section like everyone was telling me it would.
I reluctantly consented to the c-section after seeing a doctor to sign consent forms. She was willing to strip my membranes as a Hail Mary, but I was still not dilated at all so she couldn't.
A few hours before they called me to schedule the procedure and give me instructions, I began having contractions.
Full of hope again, I cancelled the c-section.
Unfortunately, it was false labor.
Over the next week or so, I had what was likely prodromal labor. I would get mild contractions each evening for a few hours, but they always eventually stalled out.
I had expected the midwife to be excited that labor was imminent after all, but she STILL was not convinced my body would go into labor on its own. Once again, she urged me to schedule a c-section.
Feeling defeated and completely without support, I followed her advice and had to see another doctor to sign a new set of consent forms. He was truly a vile man. I still get worked up when I think about the way he talked down to me when I expressed one last time that I really wanted a VBAC if at all possible.
I know there are many, many doctors who love their patients and are passionate about healing, but too many have a god complex and are condescending and rude.
This doctor definitely fell into the latter category. I remember scowling at him as I signed my name to the form and feeling like I was consenting under duress.
The operation took place a few days later and went as smooth as possible.
Sadly, the hospital was understaffed due to a severe flu in the community (pre-2020 if you can believe it) so my newborn daughter was whisked away with my husband to be tended by the nurses in the NICU mere moments after her birth. I barely got to glance at her before she was taken away, and honestly that is always the worst part of my c-section experiences.
(I highly recommend looking into gentle cesarean if a c-section is the right choice for you. You can read about my experience here. It is a game changer!)
Of course, I was grateful that my daughter was perfect and healthy and that I was safe and recovering quickly.
However, it was not the birth I wanted, and I felt somewhat bullied into it.
If my first birth was a gentle nudge, my second birth felt as though I was startled awake with a snore only to quickly fall back asleep again.
My journey continues with the birth of my third daughter, Annalisa.
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