Are we, as Christians, doing our best to love and welcome everyone into our community?
I once saw a video years ago that deeply impacted me. A young woman - maybe 19 or so - was at some type of LGBT rally, and she was on a stage coming out as non-binary (if memory serves.) She was in tears and was exclaiming how grateful she felt to finally be loved and accepted for who she was.
If I'm perfectly honest, she was a little quirky and probably would not be a part of the "cool kid's club." All I could think when I saw the video was that the young woman was not "non-binary." She was simply desperate for connection, and she found that in the LGBT community.
Rosaria Butterfield speaks of this in her book "Confessions of an Unlikely Convert." (Highly recommend, by the way) The LGBT Community wraps its arms around the social outcasts and provides for them the connection that they desire. I would go so far as to say that they sometimes even target social outcasts.
Are we doing everything we can in the church to make sure that those who maybe have a harder time socializing feel welcomed and loved?
Would the rate of LGBT identification cease to increase exponentially if all young people were welcomed with open arms into our church community?
Being more conscientious of making sure all feel welcomed and loved is something that I am working on myself, and I am not flinging accusations at every person in the church. In fact, I personally know several people who are great at making the effort to bring the shy or socially awkward people into the fold, but I also know that the church can sometimes be "cliquey," and that should never be the case.
Are we contributing to the problem by enforcing gender stereotypes?
If I had to choose a favorite Bible character, David would make the short list. I find him to be fascinating. One minute he is a warrior who defeats the Philistines and delivers 200 foreskins to Saul as proof of his victory. The next he his playing the harp and writing heartfelt poetry. He could wield a sword and lead his men into battle and return to dance unashamedly in worship to the Lord. He was called a man after God's own heart, and he was both a warrior and a poet.
Have we been guilty of thinking that being a warrior is the only way to be a man? The athletes. The soldiers. They are manly according to society's standards. Where does that leave the poets? Those who might have a more sensitive nature?
Men and women do have different roles. I really liked a description I recently heard. Men are called to protect and defend. Women are called to honor and glorify. (I am not saying this is THE definition. It is simply one that I heard and liked.)
Both an athlete and an artist are capable of protecting and defending. Both a ballerina and a tomboy can honor and glorify. Our God gifted us with unique personalities and talents. We were not meant to fit into society's stereotype of masculine and feminine. We were meant to be the men and women who God created us to be.
I loved reading Nancy Pearcy's book "Love Thy Body" (also highly recommend). This passage about a little boy who struggled with feeling like he was in the wrong body guides me as I raise my own children.
"...his parents worked with him extensively to help him accept himself as a boy -- just one who is unusually sensitive and emotional.
His parents urged him to take his identity from his body. Physically, anatomically, physiologically, genetically, and chromosomal, Brandon is male. Our bodies are created by God and are intended to give us clues to our gender identity.
Brandon's parents took him through personality tests like the Myers-Briggs type indicator to show him that it is perfectly acceptable for a man to be gentle and emotional. It may mean God has gifted him for one of the caring professions, such as psychologist, counselor, or healthcare worker. Likewise, it is acceptable for a woman to be take-charge, rational, and assertive. Brandon's parents told him again and again, "It's not you that's wrong, it's the stereotypes that are wrong."
When I see my own son play with a doll or something that is not typically associated with "manliness," my initial temptation is to correct, but that is because of the influence from the culture not because it is displeasing to God. It would be an honor to raise a son who one day tenderly loves and cares for his babies, and yet I sometimes feel tempted to snuff out that behavior. That might cause him to wonder if there is something wrong with him, and I would never want to do that.
We must also be careful, however, to not let the pendulum swing too far. So many are rightly trying to break free from gender stereotypes, but some are now trying to combat it by forcing young boys and girls to adopt the opposite gender's stereotype. That is not good either.
My philosophy is to teach my children about Biblical masculinity and femininity and then let them be who God created them to be.
Are we using discernment to determine what our tone should be?
As we engage on this issue, we must recognize that there is a massive difference between the Chloe Cole's and the Dylan Mulvaney's of the world.
Chloe Cole is tragically a de-transitioner who is now boldly speaking about her experience being deceived into thinking she was born into the wrong body.
Dylan Mulvaney -in my opinion- is a troubled man who is desperate for attention. In his quest for that attention, he is causing other young children into questioning their gender whether it is intentional or not. In other words, he is guilty of actively leading young people to harm.
We should speak compassionately - without wavering from the truth, of course - to the Chloe Cole's, but we should show nothing but contempt for the Dylan Mulvaney's
To the confused young woman I referred to earlier on this post, we should offer a welcoming hug, but we should shame the Lia Thomas's and Rachel Levine's who are selfishly encroaching into women's spaces and stealing our honors and awards - not to mention making us feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
I happen to believe that a lot of our cultural decline can be attributed to demonic oppression or possession and believe we should all be praying for the discernment to know whether we are facing an evil person or a confused person.
Our society is full of people actively TRYING to confuse children. We must aggressively fight against them to protect the innocence of our sweet babies. Sometimes that might mean we use provocative language that makes us uncomfortable, but it's time.
It's past time!
We are in a cultural battle for the soul of our nation, and it's time we start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. (H/T Jesse Kelly)
Or at the very least stop criticizing those who are willing to do so.
Are we offering the suggestion that the mind should be altered to align with the body and not vice versa?
For those suffering with gender dysphoria, their mind and body do not align. For the life of me, I don't understand why I rarely hear people pointing out that while it is impossible to change a body from male to female or female to male, the mind is malleable and can be successfully altered.
Our minds are powerful. Personally, when I am having a bad day, a simple mindset shift can turn it around. Scientists have also recently been taking a look at the practice of gratitude and how it can help us overcome things like anxiety and depression. My sister is a speech therapist, and she often tells me about techniques she is learning to help her patients rewire their brain to overcome communication deficiencies.
Why are we not focusing on pursuing this very practical (not necessarily easy) avenue?
It seems to me that the proper response to someone struggling with this particular mental illness should be something like, "I'm so sorry that your mind feels disconnected from your body. We are certain that you are a boy (or girl) because your body tells us that, and your body can't be changed. I've got some good news though. It IS possible to change your mind to match your body. I am going to do everything in my power to help you align your mind to your body, and I will be here to love you every step of the way."
Are we contributing to the problem by participating in the lie by using preferred pronouns?
For me, it was an obvious and easy decision to draw a hard line in the sand when it comes to using a person's preferred pronouns. I ascribe to Alexander Solzenitzyn's philosophy to "live not by lies."
It hurts rather than helps these individuals when we validate the lie that they can become the opposite gender by using improper pronouns.
I think we sometimes feel like it is needlessly mean to someone who is clearly hurting already. To that, I would argue that being "nice" and being "loving" are two different things. The phrase "tough love" was coined for a reason. Being loving can sometimes hurt a person, but it never harms them. Using improper pronouns is not loving because it can lead a person to tread down a harmful path.
We must hold a firm line, but we don't necessarily have to be obnoxious about it. We should pray for wisdom when it comes to interactions with those struggling with gender dysphoria.
I will say that I am always amazed when someone agrees to use biologically incorrect pronouns and then is appalled when someone asks them to use "they" or "ze" or "zir," etc.
Once you veer from the truth, you have no logical reason to refuse.